She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
