Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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