someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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