You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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