just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
