also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
