true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
