i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
