sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize