That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
