so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
