he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
