Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
