If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
