in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
