he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
zippers are such a cool invention
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
