so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
