Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
