i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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