The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
birth control should be required to get into college
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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