I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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