bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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