All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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