3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dicks are not precious.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
