you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
