The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
