make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
