your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
