this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
