somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
