In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
