Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
