They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
