In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
