She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize