you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
