all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
