Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
false alarm, still single
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
