I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
