you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
