i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
