I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
