soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize