Pappa wants mamma naked
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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