The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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