Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
