Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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