How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
