I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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