I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
