I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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