He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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