I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
