if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
