hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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