even my farts smell like vagina
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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