My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
