just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
