"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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