She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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