Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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