I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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