You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
