i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
